Are we loving our wives like Christ loves the church—unselfish, undivided, unstoppable? What kind of man are we choosing to be? Tune in to be challenged and learn how to grow in your relationship with your spouse!

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OPENING ILLUSTRATION:

I asked Jenni to tell me what the most frustrating about being married to me and she said, “I just have to pick one thing??”

Ha, that’s the truth, right?

There are so many things that can get under our skin in marriage

-how you squeeze the toothpaste

-leaving dirty underwear on the floor

-constantly changing the channel

-how you talk about one another

-how you talk to one another

-the way you spend money

-etc.

Marriage can be frustrating, but it can also be exhilarating and liberating

b

The question is how do we go from frustration to liberation?

STUDY:

This morning we are going to open up to Ephesians. Paul is in the middle of giving Godly advice for how to have all kinds of relationships, but in this particular passage he has zoned in on marriages and how a Godly marriage is supposed to work

Ephesians 5:33

33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

There was a Christian relationship book written using just this one verse, the book is called “Love and Respect”

-the author takes Pauls basic statement and makes the argument that men and women both need something different

     -Men need respect most and women need love most (this is not to say that women don’t need to be respected or men don’t need loved)

ILLUSTRATION:

When my kids were young, they used to pick out a gift for their friends that they just KNEW they would love!  They’d watch with anticipation as the kid opened the gift at their birthday party and then toss the gift in the pile of other gifts and say thanks.  I can remember once watching my kid go over and timidly say, “um, can I play with it?”

They were giving the gift they wanted, not necessarily the gift the other person would want

b

This happens in relationships all the time…

We give what WE want rather than what THEY need

b

I think most men tend to want to fix things and give distance.

Most women tend to want to give love, words, and closeness.

and we try and give what we want…

How many wives have been frustrated by a husband who wanted to fix their problem?  How many men have been frustrated by a wife who just wanted them to talk more about what was going on… 

We end up giving one another what we want and both parties leave feeling unfulfilled, unloved, and uncared for…

b

Paul’s answer:

Men – love your wives

Women – Respect your husbands

Simple, done, sermon over!

I wish it was that simple

-but men, what does it mean to love your wife?

-women, what does it mean to respect your husband?

How does that play out in the middle of a big fight?

-what does it look like to love your wife day in and day out?

-what does it look like to respect your husband after a long day of work?

This is where the rubber meets the road, this is where Paul’s words are like fresh oxygen to a person who is running out of air

MEN, what does it look like to love your wife?

Ephesians 5:25-31

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

b

Paul gives us a very clear picture of what it means to love our wives, we love them like Christ loved the church

b

Christ’s love for the church was UNSELFISH, UNDIVIDED and UNSTOPPABLE

• UNSELFISH because He chooses the needs of His brides above His own needs – even to the point of death
• UNDIVIDED because He had eyes only for His bride – He was solely focused on winning her
• UNSTOPPABLE because He would let nothing keep Him from His bride – not the perception of others or the fear ofrejection

Husbands, what kind of a man are you?

-unmarried men, what kind of a man are you?  Are you worth marrying?

Men, does concern for your wives needs and her desires trump your own?

-Christ was unselfish..  Your wife should be able to trust that every decision you make has her best interest at heart

-Men, does your wife have to vie for your attention?  Is the game more important?  Do you talk about other women?  Do you look at pornography?

          -Christ was undivided in his love and attention for His bride

          -you are killing her when you let other things take the place of her in your heart

               -every time you talk about another woman or look at another woman you are telling her that your love for her is not totally secure

-Men, do you focus on being right instead of telling your wife that there is nothing she could do to lose your love?

-Christ was completely unstoppable in His love.  The rebellion of the bride, the hurtfulness, etc. could not keep Him from loving her

ILLUSTRATION:

Even when my daughters were young, I could see this desire to be loved and chosen like this.  When they are hurt or sad or even mad they do one thing consistently, they run to their room and hide.  They are in there waiting for me to come find them and hold them in my arms and tell them that I love them.

Men, our ladies are much more sophisticated than that, and it may be an over simplification to say they just want you to hold them and tell you that you love them -but they do indeed need and want to know that you will have an unselfish, undivided, unstoppable love for them

-you must find a way to show them, even when they push you away and run from you.

Next week I’m going to talk about what it looks like for a wife to respect her husband, but this week.  Men, I want you to start to consider the type of man you want to be…

CLOSING ILLUSTRATION:

I recently took my son on a trip for his 16th birthday, I asked him if he knew what it meant to be a man.  He had a pretty good answer.  But as we talked about it, I told him my definition.  It’s being strong, but using your strength for others.  There are plenty of strong men out there who are violently using their strength for their own ends.  they ignore their wives, they abandon their children, they rage through their house, they drown their demons in a bottle or vaping it away.  

Men, God created you to be fierce.  One time, years ago I was put in a position where someone I loved was being attacked and I literally grabbed the person who was attacking them, threw them on the floor and started slamming their head into the floor and yelling at them.  I didn’t know that was in me to fight for someone I loved like that.  Some of you don’t know it’s in you because you’ve never been told as a man to be fierce, but to be fierce for God and for His Kingdom, for the ones He’s put in your path to lead.  When I was growing up church leaders would say the husband is the leader of the family.  I never knew what that meant.  Now I believe it means it’s my job to get my family to heaven.  To literally die for my bride if it’s what it takes.  What about you?  What kind of a man are you going to be?  

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