Main Themes:

1. The Tendency to Avoid Direct Conflict: Kent opens with a humorous story about his childhood struggles to climb a foam wall in gym class. He draws a parallel to how adults often avoid confronting conflict directly, choosing instead to “go around the wall.”

• Quote: “I was thinking that what I found is when it comes to conflict, most adults find out as an adult is that most of us, what we do is we go around the wall when it comes to conflict instead of facing the conflict head-on.”

1. Unhealthy Ways of Handling Conflict: The sermon identifies several common but detrimental approaches to dealing with disagreements:

• Gossiping: Talking about the issue with others who cannot directly resolve it.
• Quote: “Rather than facing issues head-on, what most of the time happens with these people is they end up gossiping.”
• Manipulation and Passive Aggression: Using indirect tactics like snide comments or hints instead of direct communication.
• Quote: “They manipulate. We throw little snide comments at people. We passive-aggressively say things to try to get what we want instead of actually addressing the issue.”
• Stewing on the Issue: Holding onto resentment and letting it fester internally.
• Quote: “Or you’re the kind of person who just stews on it and it just is brewing the nastiest, grossest coffee inside of your brain that you’ve ever had because you’re just stewing on it.”
• “Gathering a Crowd”: Seeking validation and anger from others instead of direct engagement (illustrated by the Georgetown Moms Facebook group and the youth pastor meeting anecdote).
• Quote: “Instead of talking to somebody, talking to a teacher, talking to a co-worker, talking to their spouse, they get on and they just gather a crowd around them to get angry with them. That is like the ultimate example of it.”

1. The Misinterpretation of “Do Not Judge” (Matthew 7:1-3): Kent addresses the common misconception that Christians should never judge. He clarifies that Jesus’ teaching is not a prohibition against discerning right from wrong or addressing sin, but a warning against hypocritical and harsh judgment that ignores one’s own flaws.

• Quote: “Jesus is not saying that you should never judge a situation. What he’s saying is you shouldn’t be judging a person’s heart and soul, right?”
• Quote: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”
• Key Idea: We must address our own “log” before attempting to remove the “speck” from another’s eye. This emphasizes self-reflection and humility.

1. The Difference Between Judging and Accountability (1 Corinthians 5:12-13): Kent highlights Paul’s teaching on the responsibility of the church to hold its members accountable to biblical standards. While we are not to judge those outside the church, there is an expectation of internal accountability.

• Quote: “What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? … Are you not to judge those inside?”
• Key Idea: Membership in the church implies a commitment to a certain standard of behavior, and the community has a role in addressing sin within its ranks.

1. The Biblical Process for Handling Conflict (Matthew 18:15-20): Kent outlines Jesus’ prescribed steps for addressing sin and conflict within the Christian community:

• Step 1: Private Confrontation: Go directly to the person with whom you have an issue and address it privately.
• Quote: “If your brother or sister sins… go and point out their fault just between the two of you.”
• Step 2: Involving One or Two Others: If the person doesn’t listen, bring one or two mature believers as witnesses and for support.
• Quote: “But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.”
• Step 3: Telling the Church Leadership: If the person still refuses to listen, bring the issue before the church leadership.
• Quote: “If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church.”
• Step 4: Treating Them as a Pagan or Tax Collector: If they refuse to listen even to the church, they are to be treated as someone outside the Christian community, requiring evangelization and loving outreach rather than outright rejection.
• Quote: “If they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
• Clarification: This does not mean hate, but rather recognizing they are acting outside of the Christian community and need the gospel.

1. The “Lazy River Church” Phenomenon: Kent criticizes the tendency of some individuals to jump from church to church when conflicts arise, without engaging in healthy resolution.

• Key Idea: This avoidance of conflict and commitment hinders spiritual growth and damages the unity of the body of Christ.

1. The Importance of Commitment and Direct Communication: Kent emphasizes the need for believers to commit to a local church and to engage in direct, healthy communication when issues arise.

• Quote: “What would it look like if you said, for the rest of my life, unless God moves me somewhere else, I’m going to stick with the church, I’m going to be committed here.”
• Quote: “But Jesus’ call to us is to handle conflict relationally, head-on but healthy.”

1. Personal Example of Humility and Repentance: Kent shares a story of being confronted by an elderly member of his congregation and his subsequent decision to humbly listen, reflect, and apologize.

• Key Idea: This illustrates the importance of receiving constructive criticism with humility and being willing to repent and make amends.

1. Call to Action and Repentance: The sermon concludes with a call for the congregation to be people who “climb the wall, not go around it” when it comes to conflict. It also includes a broader call to repentance, urging individuals to turn away from their own destructive patterns and towards Jesus.

Most Important Ideas/Facts:

• Avoiding conflict often leads to more significant problems through gossip, manipulation, and unresolved issues.
• Jesus’ teaching on judging in Matthew 7 is primarily about avoiding hypocritical and self-righteous condemnation, not a blanket prohibition against all forms of discernment or addressing sin.
• The church has a responsibility to hold its members accountable to biblical standards (1 Corinthians 5).
• Matthew 18 outlines a clear, step-by-step process for addressing conflict within the church, starting with private confrontation.
• Leaving a church to avoid conflict (“Lazy River Church”) is a destructive pattern that hinders spiritual growth and community.
• Healthy conflict resolution requires direct communication, humility, a willingness to listen, and a focus on reconciliation.
• Repentance, a turning away from one’s own way and towards God, is a central aspect of Christian life and applies to how we handle conflict as well.